Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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