apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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