You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize