It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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