i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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