I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
from now on my penis is your penis
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
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So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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