Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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