look no pants
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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