Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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