Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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