I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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