hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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