Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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