wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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