Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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