This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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