ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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