There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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