"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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