Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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