This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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