You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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