I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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