I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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