I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize