When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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