I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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