Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize