I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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