Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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