My vagina just recognized that song.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
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I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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