you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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