Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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