she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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