Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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