I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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