i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
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The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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