i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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