burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize