I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we have pet lesbian snakes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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