Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize