was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm both gender and math confused
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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