I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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