There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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