We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Someone signed my nipple.
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