i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize