theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize