I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize