I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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