it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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