dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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